A Book I’ll Never Write

You were not an easy person to love. Constantly I watched myself crash and burn, cry, scream, and rant about you to everybody until my heart bled and my lungs collapsed. You made me try, over and over again thinking maybe I’d love you correctly this time around. Time after time I ended up with scrapes and bruises and poorly sewn together patches on my heart just so I could hold it together and be whole for you and only you. I spent years saving my life for you and I’ll never get all that time back for as long as I live. I’ll never get back the hours of daylight and starry skies or the feeling of how it felt to be enough for somebody. You damaged every nerve in my body, shattered my self-esteem and dwindled me down to next to nothing. I am not me anymore. I am a part of you, and I don’t remember what I was once like anymore.

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