The last day, the last message…

Still thinking of you.

For the record I only need to think about you to get hot and bothered. Space and time have never changed that. 

Sometimes I wonder if I think about you enough would it some how connect me to you? Like some crazy butterfly effect powered by all of the millions of thoughts that race through my brain. 

How can it be so right and so complicated. I know it’s me that make it complicated so much of me still feels like I’ve betrayed you too much for you to feel anything real for me. I pretended to be someone, to look a certain way, and you fell for the idea of me I wanted you to see. 

I feel like you’re the one. That other soul that understands me in every way, but how can that be if I haven’t managed to overcome the fears that keep us apart? 

My life is a mess right now. I work too much and I am not taking care of myself. I’m with a boy who is lost, he is a project not a partner. But I feel like I’m a project too and I can’t let go. I want to be alone or I want to be with you. But you come with boundaries and lines. 

I just want to be the girl you thought I was. That’s what I want.