Three things you should know about Mr M;
- He is a handsome older man
- He doesn’t like contraception
- He is in a committed relationship with the mother of his children
Yup. If I were reading this I would think I’m that piece of shit other women too. But here’s the thing. He hasn’t chosen me. He will never choose me. We have never had sex…
So why am I still obsessed with him?
I have no fucking idea.
It started as flirting, just two people not getting any and wanting to feel sexy to someone else. We’d create these scenarios over email to turn each other on. I loved his persistence to get to know me. He’s say he knew we couldn’t take it further and was cool with that.
He knew all the buttons to push to get me off. He was as insatiable as me, we just seemed to hit it off.
I couldn’t keep being this idea, this fantasy. I didn’t want to hurt his family or be that person that causes rips in someone’s life. So I backed off, I stopped everything and told him we couldn’t do this any more.
He would get in touch with me every now and again, innocent check ins to see what I’m doing in my life. I’d message him late at night when my resolve is weakest. We’d talk and it was like nothing had changed, we just fit together. I’d disappear on him time and again but I couldn’t resist when he’d find me.
Most recently we’re off again. I haven’t spoken to him in months but I haven’t been able to get him off my mind. I think about him all the time and I know I really need to start dating and get my mind off it. I haven’t resolved to stalking him so I have to have at least some sanity left..?