Lilith had it right

According to the “first Eve” story Lilith was created by God from dust and placed to live in the garden with Adam until problems arose between Adam and Lilith when Adam tried to exercise dominance over Lilith.

She had it right all along. I bet she was sitting on the sidelines when Eve had her turn, rooting for her to see the real Adam, for him to expose himself for the selfish being his was.

The apple doesn’t fall so far from the tree.

Lily started seeing Brody in the spring. It was an instant connection, desire, shared interests and values all at once. They enjoyed date nights and talking about their favourite things, it was magic. They could joke easily over their favourite comedians, watch buffy re-runs, or just geek out over games.

Lily was unwell one date night and couldn’t see him as planned that evening. He sent a message “I understand” – not a word asking how she was, hoping she would feel better, just the one message letting her know he was an understanding date. Lily figured he was just disappointed he wouldn’t get to see her and she let it slide.

They had more fun dates but Lily found herself being the organizer, arranging the meal or location. She was often being asked for ‘favours’ and feeling more like a caregiver than partner. This feeling multiplied any time she felt unwell and shared the information with him. He was always feeling more unwell or had a more serious ailment.

Brody had a bad run of things his work drying up and some illness returning. Lily was caring, supportive and always asked after him. She brought him things to help him feel better, she visited when he asked and she supported him as best she could.

His constant demand for care and support while supplying none what so ever for her had started to take its toll. She was busy with commitments, keeping up with work, social commitments and her hobbies. Rather than looking forward to seeing him and hearing from him she started to feel used up . It was like being given the role of surrogate mother to a helpless child only he was a fully grown adult choosing selfishness rather than reciprocating care and true understanding. She still managed to keep date nights and replying to his messages in a timely thoughtful manner. The few dates she had managed to book with him in early summer, he cancelled or took no notice of their plans, going on to share his new plans for those dates.

I’m surprised she put up with him for so long.

He demanded replies within 4 hours or he’d send a childish curt message, but the same rules did not apply to him. He would ‘forget’ to reply to her messages, ignore her questions for hours, or claim he never got the message. He had been sending her good morning and good night texts only to skip them with no explanation or apology. He then threw fit when she started to mirror his energy, messaging less, not asking after him, skipping good night texts. It doesn’t feel so nice when the energy you put out there is returned to you, does it Brody?

So that’s what she did. She lowered her communication to his level rather than break things off and she gave him another chance, and another. She liked him and wanted to give him the opportunity to prove he wasn’t a self centered lay-about. But all he did was prove it true time and time again. She was tired of asking all the questions, driving the conversation, taking genuine interest in getting to know him outside of their shared interests only to have none of it returned. Not one question about her goals, dreams, her hobbies and interests. He didn’t ask about her family and friends. If it wasn’t on his list of interests or served him in some way… it didn’t exist.

He talked himself up, he wanted a relationship, a long term commitment. He wanted to find someone to share his life with and enjoy all the benefits of that connection. He talked about how he was such a great friend to have, his ex was only after one thing, his old friends were toxic, his family just didn’t understand…

He claimed to be having a breakdown, suffering and unable to come out of it. She had flashbacks of a previous relationship and the partner who threatened to kill himself in messages to her. She started spiraling and re-living her past trauma. She told him to seek help, she told him she wasn’t able to help and he needed to turn to his family.

His reaction to her suffering was crude and careless. She was a sobbing mess, reliving her past and incapable of providing support to herself let alone anyone else. The next day she was exhausted and emotionally drained. His ‘breakdown’ was completely reversed and he was going to enjoy some gaming…

If only he could see his own behavior, but he is not capable.

Lily admitted to me that this is where things started to add up to her. The happy feelings of comfort she had for someone she was starting to love had turned sour. She couldn’t understand why someone would go to such lengths for attention or whatever he got from his episodes. She struggled with the aftermath of being triggered for weeks while he was back to normal the next day. He never asked how she was doing, pressing her with his own problems and making more demands of her time.

Lily is a great friend to have, she is always there for you when you need help. She gives and gives and gives never asking for anything in return. She wants a true and deep connection with someone so that she can share her life with them – the good and the bad. He drained his chances dry, no one deserves a one sided relationship. She is loyal, open, caring and smart. She will go on to learn and grow, discovering ways to better herself and connect with people who deserve all she has to offer.

He will never see how his behavior is the problem. He will continue to talk himself up and wonder why everyone leaves. It’s the world conspiring against him, it’s everyone else, he’s done nothing to deserve this lonely isolated position.

Needless to say he ended things over text, the typical cowards approach and not uncommon in this day and age. At least it was better than being ghosted she supposed. Lily shared that his reasoning was that he needed someone who communicated. Someone to be with him and he wasn’t getting that.

She wanted to tell him she had been mirroring his energy, that she had become too drained to give him her authenticity. She wanted to tell him this is the attitude she had been putting up with this entire time. She wanted him to see his passive aggressive behavior and save him from himself. But she didn’t owe him anything. She had been true, open, and generous with herself from the beginning. Lily had wondered if she should at least reveal her experience to him in hopes he would provide his side of things, but that’s what you do when you want to fight for someone. When you want to continue to choose them and have them seek growth. She was done, he was another lesson learned.

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