I hope you find that person who calls you the names you enjoy. That you master those roles and prove you deserve them.

I hope she is beautiful and shares all your interests. I hope you love her for more than her beauty and that you take an interest in her as a person, rather than some kind of addition to your life as though she has none of her own.

I hope she sees a better you, someone who is able to be truly vulnerable and open with another. That you are capable of caring for and supporting your partner.

I hope she gets your full attention when you’re getting head, and she doesn’t have to figure out what it means that you’re on your phone messaging people while she sucks your cock when she knows she’s good at it.

I hope you do quit smoking, not just talking about how bad it is for you while you suck on another cigarette.

I hope your health improves and you see the light in a bad situation. If you’re always sick at Christmas maybe you should stop drinking alcohol, smoking, and eating shit your body can’t tolerate. Doing all the wrong things and then complaining about it is narcissistic as hell.

I hope you work out the issues you have with your mum and stop looking for those attributes in your potential partner. Your partner is your lover, your friend, and someone who can support you when times are hard. This also means you need to support them in all areas of their life, a little reciprocation goes a long way.

I hope you can overcome your impulse control, it will go a long way to changing your situation if you’re open to working on it. We all need a little splurge sometimes, but buying frivolous things and having no money left for bills is something you should get out of your system in your 20s, not your almost 40s.

I hope you don’t ask her to do your grocery shopping before your date. Or that she takes you to do your grocery shopping only to have you not offer her a drink or snack before you kick her out when you get home.

I hope you learn what it means to be a true Dom. Whatever it is you think you’re doing, is not it. Movies do not an education make.

I hope you do get that new phone, and that you figure out how to answer questions she asks in a timely manner, you know, seeing as you’re always on your phone anyway.

I hope you can take her home to meet your parents before you try to make her have a threeway with your friend. Some of us are all for that delightful kinky lifestyle and want to try it all – but a little relationship certainty, commitment, and mutual understanding should come first you turd-blossom.

I hope you figure out your situation so you’re not always broke and complaining about having no money. A girl doesn’t need a lot but for a man to be able to support himself and be able to pay for his half of any date is a must. Constantly taking advantage of people’s generosity and doing nothing to improve your situation is a dick move.

And last of all I hope you think of me and it drives you to be better. Know that I won’t be thinking of you after today, you’re in the past now and always.